


I Can't Feel You

by vanitasss



Category: LEGO Nexo Knights
Genre: Angst, Oneshot, headcanons, i have many emotions and all of them are pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanitasss/pseuds/vanitasss
Summary: Clay's undergone some obvious changes since becoming stone, but it's the effect of them that he didn't expect.
Relationships: Macy Halbert & Clay Moorington
Kudos: 10





	I Can't Feel You

Macy walked through the Fortrex in relative silence, the only sound being her bare feet hitting the floor. The entire building slash vehicle was asleep, even Merlock. Except for her, obviously, and whatever had woken her up. She squinted through the dark, a hand trailing along the wall to keep herself from falling.

There were noises coming from the garage. Which wasn't uncommon, sure. It usually just meant Robin was working later than usual, or someone was training. But she had told Robin to go to sleep over two hours ago. He was about to get an earful if he was still up and tinkering. There was nothing to be worried about.

Or. At least she thought there was nothing to be worried about. It was only when she opened the door to the bridge itself and found the lights off did she start to consider that the noise might not have been Robin. And then she started to worry. Only a little bit.

Her hand drifted along the wall until her finger sat on the light switch. She didn't want to turn it on just yet, but having her hand on it made her feel safer. Or, as safe as one can feel in their pajamas.

Now that she was actually in the room, she could hear the noise a little better. It sounded like stone hitting… things. She couldn't quite make it out past the stone part.

But that was enough to have her tense up, and for her fingers to pull away from the lightswitch. If there was a monster in the garage, this late at night, she was going to defeat it herself. Nexo Powers be damned. She stuck close to the wall and quietly grabbed a mace off the weapons rack, then pressed herself against one of the vehicles to slowly make her way closer and closer to the source of the sound.

And out of all things for her to see, she can't say she was expecting Clay. He was hitting a test dummy, and absolutely demolishing it. But… despite it all he seemed almost frustrated. And after the thing was completely demolished he made a small noise of anger, and tugged on his hair. Or. Tried to.

Macy watched as he fruitlessly ran his clawed hands against the stone shape of his hair molded onto his head, and flinched slightly at the noise it made. His shoulders started to shake silently. And it took Macy to hear a small whine that came from him for her to realize what's happening.

He was crying. Or, trying really hard to, at least. A pit burned in the back of her throat, and she set her mace down gently, taking a hesitant step forward and making her presence known.

"Clay?"

At once he tensed up, hands tightening into fists and head snapping around almost uncomfortably fast. Macy found herself frozen in place by his blank, grey eyes for a moment. Only to relax when he blinked. Which was something she noticed was more out of habit than need.

"Macy." He started, glancing at the ground briefly before meeting her gaze again, "Sorry. Did I.. wake you up? I was training."

She swallowed, lips pressing together into a thin line. "No. Just… Do you want to talk?"

He looked scared when she said that. Only for a moment, but it was there. It made her feel guilty. But when he spoke again all trace that the emotion was ever there is gone.

"Talk about what?"

"About…" She took a short breath, "Look. Were you… crying? Like, are you ok? You aren't hurt or anything, right?"

She took a step forward, hands outstretched to gently take one of his and check it, when a small bitter laugh from Clay made her stop. His hands twitched once, and in the next moment he had one of Ava's training knives in one of them. He was lifting it up and bringing it down on his arm before Macy had the chance to ask what he was doing, and she yelped at the action.

Only for the knife to shatter. And for Clay to drop the hilt. There was a couple moments of silence, where he looked down at the ground almost in shame and his face scrunched up, trying to force tears out of a body that couldn't make them.

"Macy I can't…" he made a small choked noise, "I can't feel anything. I. I can't feel anything. I've been trying. I can't feel heat, I can't feel pain. I- I couldn't feel it when you hugged me tonight!"

She stared wordlessly in horror as he continued, his hands twitching at his side.

"Do you- Macy do you know what it's like? I can't stim I can't- everything feels fake except for my emotions and the- the feeling that by letting myself become this freak that I failed!" He makes a strangled noise of frustration before dropping to the floor and holding his head in his hands.

"Clay…" Macy moved a hand towards him, only to stop as she realized it'd probably make things worse. So instead, she simply sat across from him, hands in her lap.

She looked over at him, "Clay you haven't failed anyone. You aren't a freak either. You're out leader. And our friend. And if all you can feel is emotions, then know that you're loved. And know that we can work through this as a team."

Clay's quiet for a moment. And after a moment he looked up at Macy, expression unreadable.

"You know what's the worst about all this?" He paused but didn't wait for a reply, "That the lack of touch made me realize something. That I.. That I love Lance. And Aaron probably, too. That I love men. Which is something I...I didn't think I was capable of if I'm being honest. Funny how this sort of thing opens your eyes."

Macy blinked, "Oh..! I'm glad you found that out about yourself. That's nice."

He let out a frustrated noise at her response, "No! It's not! Because I can't even feel their- their hand holds anymore! I can't feel anything, and that's what made me realize I liked it so much in the first place..."

He trailed off, and Macy watched as his entire being curled tighter in on itself. Like he was trying to make himself smaller while moving as little as possible. It made her heart squeeze in her chest.

"I can't… feel. And it hurts."

It was quiet for a good time after that. The two of them sitting in the silence of the dark garage, and listening to the sounds of the machinery in the walls. The slow ticking of the clock on the wall. And to the wildlife outside the Fortrex. It was comfortable. And Macy only moved when sitting still became painful.

Minutes passed- though it felt like hours- in the silence. Macy wasn't sure when she tugged Clay into her arms, but he was there. His body was cold, and lifeless when he wasn't moving. She was silently thankful that he couldn't feel her tears landing on him, and that he couldn't feel her shaking as she frantically kept telling herself that he was alive despite his stillness.

"Thank you."

The words cut so suddenly through the silence that Macy actually jumped. His arms wrapped themselves tighter around her, firm and grounding, and all she managed was a small nod and a sigh in return.

It was there that the rest of the knights found them in the morning. Macy fast asleep against Hotspur. And Clay sitting beside her, unblinking and expression as empty as he felt.

**Author's Note:**

> Im kinnie


End file.
